After years of pissing and moaning about my state of affairs, I have taken it upon myself to make changes and alterations to my present and future. Thus, the blog name "Project: Transmutation". It shall be a documentation on the progress and fulfillment of my goals both Tangible and Abstract. Transmutation is the act of changing from one thing to another. I am going to make this happen.
The Tangible: My body is hardly a temple. It is more of a broken down shrine that the elements (i.e. Potato Chips, Fast Food, etc) and time (i.e. Video Games and Internet) have defiled and made an abysmal sacrifice to the modern gods of Convenience and Procrastination. I have taken it upon myself to rededicate my body to a more healthy and beautiful way of living. There were many times in the past that this declaration of self-improvement rang throughout the internet from my lips, but I have to face facts. I am almost 30 years old.
My Grandmother P passed away at the age of 63 when I was just 16. It was congestive heart failure, obesity and a sedentary lifestyle that took her so young. The majority of my memories of her are: sitting at her table and folding laundry, or sitting at the table reading/ordering from catalogs, or sitting at the table playing cards. I was told she used to golf and was fairly active. I'm not sure what changed her.
More recently, however my dear Aunt M passed away. She was just 60 and she had had a myriad of health problems and while she was active in her younger life I think something went wrong later. My family is a warning for Obesity and In-Activity. I need to change this. If I am going to have any quality of life as I get older; I need to change this. If I am going to make any progress towards my goals, to my career, to my love life; I need to change this.
The Abstract: The idea of a higher power is not alien to me. I grew up in a Lutheran household. My mother would take me to church almost every Sunday and I went to parochial grade-school and attended Sunday School classes. I never felt like I belonged though. The sermons were always long and boring (occasionally attacking the homosexual lifestyle which I would later come to identify with). The songs were incredibly boring and repetitive. The thing I despised the most was the way in which every phrase and prayer was said in a monotone voice by all the members of the congregation.
It was frightening and creepy. Where was the joy? There wasn't any. There hasn't been any metaphysical joy in my life for a while. I used to sing. I love music. There are certain songs that when I hear them and they reach a specific part, send chills and tingles over me. I can even just think of the lyrics that inspire this sensation and it happens. It is amazing, I would love to find something out there that I can find joy in. I am open to it. I want to change this part of my life. I want to see the strange void inside of me filled with joy and love and beauty.
